I remember, a few years ago, I was faced with what I identified as having no choices. I had slowly and thoroughly abdicated my own authority, my own sovereignty, while silencing my own voice. I was living in an unacceptable situation which I had, over time, convinced myself was acceptable. I believed I had no choice.
In talking with a friend, I said I don't have any options. I have no choice, I'm stuck here. No sooner was it out of my mouth, I realized the truth of it. I was stuck because I didn't like my choices, not because I didn't have any. The reason I didn't like any of my choices was I had fallen so far from responsibility for my own life, my own condition, my own circumstances.
I assessed my options and although both choices seemed horrible, I made the one that was less so. Shortly I was faced with two more choices and again, chose the less reprehensible one which led to another set, then another set and each time choosing the most positive, uplifting option leading me out of the darkness of being controlled by another person. Finally I reached a place where I actually had some pretty awesome options in front of me and I felt myself emerge out of the cloud of doubt, despair and desperation.
When one finds himself in a situational pattern in his daily life, like I had, clearly different choices had to be made. I had been confused by movement, thinking everything was fine because I was moving until I realized I was in a loop. I had been working extremely hard, but the vibration around my activity had become predictable, routine, a circular rut of perceived safety.
It took some bold steps, acknowledging within myself my responsibility, releasing of material things, a willingness to look honestly at who I am and what I value, then taking appropriate steps to bring my life around to align with something powerful again.
I found the first step toward Self-Empowerment was the acceptance of the idea that everything I do is a choice I make. I may not like the choices I have in front of me because they are uncomfortable, but looking further at the results or consequences of available choices, the right one became obvious. I may not like the choice of going to work when my alarm goes off, but if I think it through, I will like having the money it provides, so my choice is obvious.
This is a simple example but it applies to all things. We make the choices we make for the payout it provides. We all do what is important to us. Everyone, every time. So, if you aren't doing something, while telling yourself you so want to do it, you are lying to yourself to live up to an illusion of who you are or want to be.
Our Self-Respect is evident in everything we do, every choice we make; While our Self-Love is reflected back to us in our treatment of others.
- Robert Madden
The compulsive need to control others is rooted in feelings of being out of control. Instead of acknowledging how much fear this brings up, one will attempt to control the behavior of those around him, thinking it will calm those tumultuous feelings within himself.
Of course, it won't, because that which we disown or choose to ignore within us, will proceed to wreak havoc in our lives. This is why the most virulent anti-gay members of Congress end up being arrested in a public restroom for sexual solicitation or public indecency. Ultimately, the only thing we ever have control over is our own mental attitude about whatever is, whatever exists, whatever has transpired, whatever!
One's character is a measure of the sincerity with which he embraces his values. It is the cornerstone of one's Self-Respect. We see many people in our society who treat others with disrespect, which is an indicator of low self-esteem or a lack of Self-Respect. If one possesses respect, one gives respect. If he doesn't, try not to be offended because it says nothing about you. It merely says to the world, he has no respect for himself from which to draw.
Don't fret so much about what 'is' now. It is already created. Instead, turn your attention to pre-paving the next segment of your journey. I was thinking today about what, in me, made certain choices to arrive here with these conditions. No judgement about the condition, just a healthy, honest, clean observation of choices made and what drove them.
In the middle of the deep breath needed to start looking back, I heard, "Why? You're in transition. When you're driving, you don't look behind you to where you've been. You look ahead, so you can choose with awareness, from the options presented as you go." In my past, I've spent a lot of my time in either anger, or fear, or nostalgia.
Unfortunately, none of those are productive, as none are based on present circumstances or even present feelings, but rather, on remembered events and emotions — projected onto the present. This is why our responses to life often seem the same, because we are responding to the same 'original' event and feeling what we felt then, but overlaying all of that onto the present circumstances and people who are the closest fit to the original…and the loop continues.
How about this? I am grateful for where I am and I'm eager for what's coming. I'm looking forward with joy and anticipation. I am living and working with people I respect and enjoy, while doing the work that lights up my Being. I am living in an environment of mutual respect and appreciation, which I participate in cultivating. There is plenty of everything and I enjoy spreading good fortune to those I encounter. Now, I'm excited and encouraged!
When we take personal responsibility for our feelings and conditions, we empower ourselves. We shift our focus to ourselves to uncover that which drives us, positively and negatively. In so doing, we forget about changing or controling others and we fall in love with our lives. This is where creating deliberately takes flight!
Have you ever taken the time to sit quietly, contemplating all of the aspects of your being, why you respond the way you do to certain things and differently to others. Who are you really? Not who you were told you are, but who you actually are beneath all of those projections of those close to you as you were developing an awareness of being in a body.
None of us see ourselves correctly or authentically until we take the time to peel away all of the labels, definitions, characteristics and habits of thought created for us by the perceptions of others. Most of us go through life being someone different from who we feel we are, which is why so many are confused, lost and misunderstood.
Allow yourself to sit quietly and be still. Out of the stillness will begin to emerge feelings, thoughts, passions for and about things you either never knew you had or hadn't known how to express. You were probably told to stop daydreaming as a child, as most everyone was told it was unproductive.
Nothing could be further from the truth. It is in the space of daydreams where we align with our Higher Nature. We get glimpses of who we are and what we're capable of, which frightens us at first. However, as we become more familiar with space, we begin to enjoy going there. This is where creation happens.
Complaining is pointless, do something or forget it.
Blame is useless; we all play a part in what is happening.
Personal responsibility is the cure for all of what keeps you from your happiness, well being and your destiny, which is simply the reason you came here.