The compulsive need to control others is rooted in feelings of being out of control. Instead of acknowledging how much fear this brings up, one will attempt to control the behavior of those around him, thinking it will calm those tumultuous feelings within himself.
Of course, it won't, because that which we disown or choose to ignore within us, will proceed to wreak havoc in our lives. This is why the most virulent anti-gay members of Congress end up being arrested in a public restroom for sexual solicitation or public indecency. Ultimately, the only thing we ever have control over is our own mental attitude about whatever is, whatever exists, whatever has transpired, whatever!
One's character is a measure of the sincerity with which he embraces his values. It is the cornerstone of one's Self-Respect. We see many people in our society who treat others with disrespect, which is an indicator of low self-esteem or a lack of Self-Respect. If one possesses respect, one gives respect. If he doesn't, try not to be offended because it says nothing about you. It merely says to the world, he has no respect for himself from which to draw.
Don't fret so much about what 'is' now. It is already created. Instead, turn your attention to pre-paving the next segment of your journey. I was thinking today about what, in me, made certain choices to arrive here with these conditions. No judgement about the condition, just a healthy, honest, clean observation of choices made and what drove them.
In the middle of the deep breath needed to start looking back, I heard, "Why? You're in transition. When you're driving, you don't look behind you to where you've been. You look ahead, so you can choose with awareness, from the options presented as you go." In my past, I've spent a lot of my time in either anger, or fear, or nostalgia.
Unfortunately, none of those are productive, as none are based on present circumstances or even present feelings, but rather, on remembered events and emotions — projected onto the present. This is why our responses to life often seem the same, because we are responding to the same 'original' event and feeling what we felt then, but overlaying all of that onto the present circumstances and people who are the closest fit to the original…and the loop continues.
How about this? I am grateful for where I am and I'm eager for what's coming. I'm looking forward with joy and anticipation. I am living and working with people I respect and enjoy, while doing the work that lights up my Being. I am living in an environment of mutual respect and appreciation, which I participate in cultivating. There is plenty of everything and I enjoy spreading good fortune to those I encounter. Now, I'm excited and encouraged!
When we take personal responsibility for our feelings and conditions, we empower ourselves. We shift our focus to ourselves to uncover that which drives us, positively and negatively. In so doing, we forget about changing or controling others and we fall in love with our lives. This is where creating deliberately takes flight!